Where's my Lasagna?

October 6th-10th is Mental Illness Awareness Week. As this week is upon us I’d like you to think about the people you know with chronic and/or serious mental illnesses. People who sometimes fall away, are hospitalized, or have to leave work or school due to mental illness. People who because of their illnesses sometimes cannot get by without significant, on-going help from family caregivers. I also want you to think about those family caregivers whose lives and energy are devoted to keeping loved ones safe and helping the person to managing the illness.

I want you to think how you have handled the “news” that someone has a mental illness, and especially if that person had to be hospitalized or “found out” they were ill after being arrested. These are very stressful times for the family and the person. They are akin to when someone suffers a major heart attack, gets into a car accident, or goes into a diabetic coma. But what is often strikingly different is how the rest of us respond when it’s mental illness and not physical illness.

How many of you have organized an office pool to send flowers and a card saying “Hope you are feeling better soon!” after hearing someone has been hospitalized for a mental illness? How many of you have done this when a person goes in for other types of medical emergencies?

When it’s mental illness how many of you have called the person or family members and asked “How is it going? What can I do for you?” How many of you have offered to come walk the dog, bring dinner, or spend time with the person who is ill so they and the family caregiver can both get a break? How often do you ask a person or their caregiver after the initial crisis: “How’s it going now? What’s the prognosis? What treatment options are you using? What’s been most helpful to you? Are there things that I could do that would be helpful to you now?”

It’s not uncommon in the face of long term disability and chronic illness for some friends to drop away and for life to change. But how we react when we first find out is a clear sign of the ongoing prejudice and ignorance about mental illness. I met a woman in a family education course run by the National Alliance for Mental Illness (NAMI). She said to the group: “Hospitalizing my son (for bipolar disorder) was the worst, most heartbreaking thing I had ever been through. When I got home I called my Mom and said ‘Where’s my lasagna?’ (The traditional family dish for comforting people in the face of illness). No one seemed to notice at all.” Her experiences were echoed by everyone in the group and I hear them again and again in support groups. Where are my friends? Where is my family? Why are we being rejected, ignored, or treated with suspicion? Why is no one talking about this?

This year during Mental Illness Awareness week, I’d just like you to take some time to ask yourself why.

This post is courtesy of Susan O'Nell